tidbits of my life


It is my last day to live in Gading Nias. It is a nice place that I rent together with my fella for a year. For exactly one year, we’ve shared this place. In the beginning of this year, she got to continue her study in Salemba, so there came a pretty hard time when she has to manage her time for study and work. Then she took decision not to continue rent the apartment with me anymore, so she could move out to Salemba. I could continue the rental all by my self, but then I Ifigured out that I couldn’t manage to afford it. Here comes the reality.. I have to move out because I can’t afford to stay anymore 😉

swimming pool at my recent place

swimming pool at my recent place

Today I also got quite a bad news from my family. I won’t share it here, but bacause it stir my family in it, this news clearly make me feel devastated. For a while, I questioned God for allowing me to feel this pain. But then I realized that this mess got nothing to do compare to what He has done to me. How come I get so worry? When did in my life that He fail to take care of me? NEVER.

Did you read Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth? Although I don’t with her idea about soulmate and marriage, but I do really like some quotes in her book . One of my favourite is below, on the movie the scene took place in Italy.

“A friend took me to the most amazing place the other day. It’s called the Augusteum. Octavian Augustus built it to house his remains. When the barbarians came they trashed it a long with everything else. The great Augustus, Rome’s first true great emperor. How could he have imagined that Rome, the whole world as far as he was concerned, would be in ruins. It’s one of the quietest, loneliest places in Rome. The city has grown up around it over the centuries. It feels like a precious wound, a heartbreak you won’t let go of because it hurts too good. We all want things to stay the same. Settle for living in misery because we’re afraid of change, of things crumbling to ruins. Then I looked at around to this place, at the chaos it has endured – the way it has been adapted, burned, pillaged and found a way to build itself back up again.”



Maybe a little too overrated, but I think I’m in ruin now. In so many problems, I always choose not to let my heart break because it hurts too good. I chose to stay in some relationships because I was just too afraid of heartbreak. I chose to keep living in fake hope rather than know the reality and face the truth. Settle for living in misery because I’m afraid of change, of things crumbling to ruins. Now, it’s happening.. I have to learn to live life without any attachment: pride, best-friend, boyfriend, money, and any other thing that get me attached. And I was reassured, maybe my life hasn’t been so chaotic, it’s just the world that is, and the real trap is getting attached to any of it. Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation. I hope that soon I’ll find my way to build my self back up again. YOYO, girls. You On Your Own.

2 comments on “Ruin

  1. arlitaayu
    June 2, 2012

    “Ruin is a gift”… It;s true…Be strong Seli, and never give up…God has beautiful plans for us..:D

  2. Morentalisa
    June 4, 2012

    Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High

    will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.

    I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress,

    my God, in whom I trust.”

    Surely he will save you

    from the fowler’s snare

    and from the deadly pestilence.

    He will cover you with his feathers,

    and under his wings you will find refuge;

    his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

    You will not fear the terror of night,

    nor the arrow that flies by day,

    nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,

    nor the plague that destroys at midday.

    A thousand may fall at your side,

    ten thousand at your right hand,

    but it will not come near you.

    You will only observe with your eyes

    and see the punishment of the wicked.

    If you say, “The Lord is my refuge,”

    and you make the Most High your dwelling,

    no harm will overtake you,

    no disaster will come near your tent.

    For he will command his angels concerning you

    to guard you in all your ways;

    they will lift you up in their hands,

    so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.

    You will tread on the lion and the cobra;

    you will trample the great lion and the serpent.

    “Because he[b] loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him;

    I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.

    He will call on me, and I will answer him;

    I will be with him in trouble,

    I will deliver him and honor him.

    With long life I will satisfy him

    and show him my salvation. ”

    A nicely written poem in Psalm 91

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This entry was posted on June 1, 2012 by in My life, My thougths and tagged , , , .
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